Yes! Opps... I did it again. Whatever happen to the promise I make to myself? My x'mas resolution? I'm such a bullshit. Today I woke up feeling the frustration all over again. The feeling I knew too well. The feeling i can ignore. It just got worst with time. What am I doing to my life? What happen to my smile and laughter? Did I forget to bring them along to this new year?
Meet someone at new year eve party. He say the most beautiful words to me. Words that I've long forgotten. Words that I've never hear in a long long time. It definitely feel nice and warm in my already cold heart. It's so amazing to hear it from a stranger and what comfort a stranger can give you. Episode like that is so rare. It makes me feel young. Thank you stranger! You give me a invisible strength to carry on and be true to the truth.
I make a promise to myself that I will never give up trying. To take in as much as I can. I fail... Totally fail. Absolutely given up. The did that thing again. Through text. I just couldn't tell him face to face. Countless time I told him but he never taken me seriously. I'm just not strong enough.
Love is suppose is to come with a package but mine is absolutely a bad deal. Giving and not receiving is just not me. I throw away my personality, my genuine laughter my smile just because I do not believe in giving up. I'm so wrong and I wish someone had told me earlier what I got myself into.
I have change in the process and I know I won't be able to find myself back again in the meantime. I'm going live like this for the time being and smile if I have to and
swallow all the sadness and loneliness.
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